pro tip: if you’re ever arrested, use your one call to call the police station and pretend to be the police chief then tell the police officer to release you from jail immediately
the thing about the fault in our stars trailer is that when augustus’ dialogue from the book is actually said out loud by an actual person you begin to realize that he sounds like a complete douchelord
the other day we were discussing dating and this one dude was like “I don’t see the big deal why can’t people just ask people out without all the fuss” and another guy was like “well you get nervous and you get butterflies in your stomach ya know” and the first dude looked the other dude straight in the eye and said “DIGEST THEM.”
"Now to demonstrate your devotion to the Spice Girls, I understand that you have a gift, and I wanted to challenge you on this gift tonight… you are able to do what?" "Their autographs." [x]
NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT A GOD DAMN RELATIONSHIP AND LOSING WEIGHT AND BEING BEAUTIFUL FOR GODS SAKE GO OUTSIDE AND ROB A STORE AND FEEL ALIVE AS YOU RUN AWAY FROM SECURITY
ladies laaaaadies, theres plenty of me to go around *detaches arm* thats for you Brenda
What are you so afraid of!?
I’m REALLY sorry but it looks like they’re about to rap battle
it got better
The second worst burn that Two Face has ever felt.
hey you kids wanna buy some drugs
basically the first interaction between humans and a snake ever
#bible jokes#yo check out this knowledge fruit#it’ll totally be the best thing ever#he wants to lead you down the path to righteousness#i’m gonna lead you down the path that rocks#snake (via vantasticmess)
what’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination?
i hate this i hate u